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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your choice to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly shut down any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {